Headboard Hunting

Well, the idea to find ourselves a headboard at IKEA wasn't a good one.

We decided Tuesday afternoon would be a good time to shop. Loaded the kids in the car, and left without remembering to consult the "net" for a map or directions. We found it anyway, but were turned away from "regular" parking to "overflow" parking. The overflow parking area was 3 or 4 miles away (but, they said it had "a free air-conditioned shuttle" to get people to-and-from the store). Not surprisingly, Daddy's little Sugar Booger decided she needed to use the potty on the way to the overflow parking area. Thankfully, we encountered one of the kids' favorite fast food restaurants on the drive up. "Old McDonald's" was fairly empty and we were able to get in and out of the potty quickly. We decided to return -- after shopping -- for dinner.

The "free shuttle service" provided everything we paid for: nothing. Barely existent A/C, hard wooden benches to ride on, several miles of poor shocks on a pothole-filled road, and convenient (for them) drop-off behind the store -- approximately 300 feet from the main entrance. As we walked to the entrance, we discovered IKEA has "Family friendly" parking right next to the main entrance. The nice 30-car "Family Friendly" lot was packed out with one, yes, count-em, ONE car... and it was in the handicapped section. Great discovery; we'd just lugged 3 kids and a double stroller on and off the trolley for nothing. We could have used the "3 children" card to trump the request to make the drive to "Outer-Parkolia." If I ever go back I'm bringing the kids or a handicapped person.

As we entered the store we were handed a map and a shopping bag. (I gave the bag back -- a headboard wouldn't fit in it -- and I didn't want to encourage shopping for anything else. Not in a mega-store with 3 small children.) After we got off of the elevator (beds are on the 2nd floor) I took a quick glance at the map and said, "We need to go left." The greeter/sales associate lady said, "Oh no, beds and headboards are to the right. Everything is to the right." OK, I thought, she works here. The local news stations have been playing up how many weeks of training these people got before the store opened. So, I looked back at the map, scratched my head, and we went to the right.

Now, I know maps. Way back in 2nd grade (1978), I started as my Dad's "official map-reader" for all car trips -- and there have been many (Mom reads words fine, just not maps). Either the IKEA map was printed backward, I had it upside down, or the greeter/sales lady was as clueless as my 4 year old. (At the time, I strongly believed the latter of the 3 choices.) Rather than cause a scene (Hunny Bunny is a people-pleaser), I acquiesced.

IKEA is a rather large store. Whatever boy-wonder engineer set it up must have majored in "Maze Design" at "Rat Training School." Thankfully, their exuberance for funneling as many customers as possible past every single item in the entire store didn't cause them to vary from a straight North-South and East-West layout. The maze design was cramped (aisles are smaller than most "box" stores and still had "islands" in the way), but thankfully, included mostly right turns (few odd-angled turns). I was able to remember which way North was throughout the entire store. As we continued zig-zagging along the maze's primary route, I grew more and more convinced that my initial map-glance was correct.

There were a large number of differing styles of furniture in the store -- all set up like little "rooms" that we walked past. Just like the head rat-funneler wanted, we saw almost all of the styles offered by IKEA. I think if the aisles had been somewhat larger we would have seen more of the displays, rather than watching who's toes we were going to drive the double stroller over. If we ever find a winning lottery ticket and decide to redecorate from our "eclectic" style to a more "coordinated" look, we may go back there and buy everything in one fell swoop, but it's doubtful. I like eclectic; it matches my personality. =) And I don't care for all the 3D jigsaw puzzles once you get everything home.

We finally found the exact section of the store that we'd come to find. It was right next to the greeter/sales lady -- where I thought it'd be -- I could look over and see where we started (and went the wrong way). Amazingly, the cool-looking space-saving headboard I wanted to look at was right there on the sales floor -- and even close to the right color. The problem we discovered is that the headboard with hidden, adjustable shelves was some other wonder-engineer's "interpretation" of a headboard. The shelves are directly on the floor on rollers -- basically, a roll-away mini-bookshelf -- which was a real bummer. When I think, "headboard" my mind pictures something my pillow rests against -- above the mattress -- something I can lean up against while I'm reading in bed -- not something below the mattress -- that my pillow (and/or derrière) lies on. There is no way to stack these pseudo-headboards, or mount them to the wall either... unless I could find some type of "Inspector Gadget" wheels to keep the roll-away shelving up in the air after it's been rolled off the other one's top.

That "bed" section we wanted was near the end of the 2nd floor maze -- by the restaurant. The prices were (not surprisingly) higher than I'd be willing to pay for rather ordinary-looking food -- in smaller portions than I eat. The smells weren't all that inviting either. So we passed it by and went to the elevator (Hunny Bunny doesn't like it when I take the double stroller down the escalator). Immediately after going downstairs we needed another potty stop for Sugee Boogee and Tank (Little Bear was fine). I took both boys, and they enjoyed the very loud 80s music piped into the men's room. Anyone that says rhythm doesn't have any influence on people is lying or ignorant. Little Bear was a total riot in there -- dancing and grooving to "She Drives Me Crazy, Oooh, Oooh." I can't remember how old that song is, but I vaguely remember cringing when I heard it way back in Jr High or High School.

Perhaps the coolest part of the store for me was near the exit. They have a large clearance section filled with "scratch & dents." At the entrance to Clearance were 2 very large handcarts of assorted furniture pieces wrapped and labeled "Handyperson special: $10 for the cart." I must confess, I didn't need anything on either of those hand carts, but I was tempted to buy them both. Then I noticed right in front of those was a shopping cart with 8 bags of hardware, labeled between $7 and $20 per bag! I really looked them over hard -- hoping for any excuse to take them all home. Too bad we didn't need any hardware. There was probably $700 to $1,000 (retail) of hardware in the cart for less than $100.

We were pretty hungry by that time, so didn't spend much time downstairs. When we tramped back out to the free shuttle we found the "Family Friendly" lot was -- you guessed it -- completely empty. After another bumpy ride back to the van, Daddy & Hunny Bunny had a nice "date" (with the kids) at Mickey-D's. I finished off my dinner and purchased a medium vanilla shake, which happened to have a sticker on the side for a free McFlurry (which Hunny Bunny enjoyed). We took our "dessert" outside to enjoy while the kids played on the little playground.

Perhaps we'll go back and try Wood You again. At least it's all "real" wood, and I can always mount the back of a hutch to the wall in place of a headboard.